Well still feeling kind of out of it but I'm doing better than I've been the past few weeks. It's helped a little chatting with random people and old friends to take some of the monotony out of my days. It was fun catching up with my old friends James this weekend. We swapped stories of the libraries that we're working at and came to the conclusion that for the most part its still the same drama no matter where you're at. XD
Other than that K and I went to the play Our Town SCC students presented. I thought the play was awesome. It was nice to get out and see a play. I didn't realize how much I missed the theater vibe. It was also a nice distraction to get me out of the house.
Good stuff that's been going on for me: I got treated to a cheese danish from one of my co-workers and there were cupcakes in the break room! So I felt like a princess today! X3 Well either that or I'm still high on sugar and caffeine...I wasn't able to get a Coke Zero and all they had left was Cherry Coke...^^;
Showing posts with label less stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label less stress. Show all posts
10/13/08
10/2/08
.....
Well I thought things were starting to get a little better but I was wrong.
I made the phone call to my folks to ask them what they were doing for Thanksgiving. As a way to help solve my little cabin fever problem and actually be a good daughter and visit them besides on just Christmas. Things during the call were going okay. I was only questioned a couple of times about why I was coming. My mother immediately asked if things were okay between me and K and I'm like yes. I just wanted to get away. Then she's like 'you know things do get rough at times, you just gotta stick it out' and 'you guys are still getting married next year, right?' All to which I assured her that nothings changed I just needed to get away for a little bit. Then she was like okay. After that we chatted for a little bit more and then hung up. About 15 minutes later she called back with confirmation about when they were coming to pick me up and drop me back home. While we were finalizing that my mother slips in the comment that 'you're not coming down here with attitude are you?' I'm like no. 'Good that means you won't be hold up in your room not talking to anyone, right?' Again I'm like no I go wherever. After a few more minutes we hung up again and I just lot it. I was crying again because she always knows how to jab at a sore spot that didn't need to be pressed. Here I am just relieved that I can chill and hang out at home with them and Ozzy (their dog) and just be. But what I get is accusations that I'm running away from my problems and that I've got to have a better attitude while I'm around them. It just seems I can't win no matter what I do or where I go. Now I've got to pretend like I didn't get attacked yet again keep up the happy front when I eventually go down there in November. I can't cancel now because then she'll know she got to me in some way and will interrogate me further about it. I guess it was kind of random for me to ask if I could come down there. I usually don't but I did honestly just on top of wanting to get away I did want to spend time with them and now because of that comment I'm yet again feeling out of place and kind of unwelcome. I know I'm over reacting but still why would someone say that to a person? It happened in the past and I thought I was getting better when I was hanging around them but apparently I haven't changed in their eyes.
It's just another frustrating thing to add to the list of things that have been bugging me over the past few weeks. Now I really feel like I've got no place to go to where I feel like I can be myself, not that I even remember what that is anymore. I guess I need to find some place with no distractions and no one around and just be to think or not to think and try to get back to myself.
I hope I can find that place soon cause I'm sick of crying myself to sleep at night.
I made the phone call to my folks to ask them what they were doing for Thanksgiving. As a way to help solve my little cabin fever problem and actually be a good daughter and visit them besides on just Christmas. Things during the call were going okay. I was only questioned a couple of times about why I was coming. My mother immediately asked if things were okay between me and K and I'm like yes. I just wanted to get away. Then she's like 'you know things do get rough at times, you just gotta stick it out' and 'you guys are still getting married next year, right?' All to which I assured her that nothings changed I just needed to get away for a little bit. Then she was like okay. After that we chatted for a little bit more and then hung up. About 15 minutes later she called back with confirmation about when they were coming to pick me up and drop me back home. While we were finalizing that my mother slips in the comment that 'you're not coming down here with attitude are you?' I'm like no. 'Good that means you won't be hold up in your room not talking to anyone, right?' Again I'm like no I go wherever. After a few more minutes we hung up again and I just lot it. I was crying again because she always knows how to jab at a sore spot that didn't need to be pressed. Here I am just relieved that I can chill and hang out at home with them and Ozzy (their dog) and just be. But what I get is accusations that I'm running away from my problems and that I've got to have a better attitude while I'm around them. It just seems I can't win no matter what I do or where I go. Now I've got to pretend like I didn't get attacked yet again keep up the happy front when I eventually go down there in November. I can't cancel now because then she'll know she got to me in some way and will interrogate me further about it. I guess it was kind of random for me to ask if I could come down there. I usually don't but I did honestly just on top of wanting to get away I did want to spend time with them and now because of that comment I'm yet again feeling out of place and kind of unwelcome. I know I'm over reacting but still why would someone say that to a person? It happened in the past and I thought I was getting better when I was hanging around them but apparently I haven't changed in their eyes.
It's just another frustrating thing to add to the list of things that have been bugging me over the past few weeks. Now I really feel like I've got no place to go to where I feel like I can be myself, not that I even remember what that is anymore. I guess I need to find some place with no distractions and no one around and just be to think or not to think and try to get back to myself.
I hope I can find that place soon cause I'm sick of crying myself to sleep at night.
9/30/08
Doing a little better
So now I'm a little better off than I was the past couple of days. I still feel on edge a little bit about being in the apartment all the time but it's starting to lessen. I did manage to get out after work and just hang out one of my favorite books stores for about a half an hour. It was nice just walking around. Though I did cave and bought a couple more books to read but considering my track record I should be through them in a little while.
I think the only thing that still worrying me is the fact that K's not hearing what I'm saying to him. I said I wanted to leave for a bit around the holidays and stay with my folks. Just to get way for a bit and he was still thinking yesterday that I wanted to leave him and just stay with my folks. It's just a tad frustrating because he here's what he wants to hear. After more talking we got on the same page but sometimes it's just not that easy to talk to him. But such is life.
Other than that things are going okay. The only downfall was that work yesterday sucked majorly. I pretty much had to open by myself since the person that usually helps out in the mornings called in sick the night before. So I had to make sure everything was on, holds were picked out and sorted and the doors were open up all before 7:45am. I managed to do all of that before one of the others came in to help out. But I thought things would be okay once we were open...I was sadly mistaken. Students coming in didn't know where they were going. Passing printing equipment thinking what they printed out was at our desk instead of were they were in the computer lab. We had to cover for another worker in another department so it strained are already limited crew of people. So for the majority of the day everyone was running around doing other peoples work and our own. It was good because it made the day go faster but frustrating because of all the work we had piled onto ourselves. Job security. *sighs*
So far today hasn't been too bad. Just have to open by myself again this morning but there hasn't been too much of a rush so I'm hoping things well be calmer today. I really hope so cause I've got another wicked headache coming on. *crosses fingers*
I think the only thing that still worrying me is the fact that K's not hearing what I'm saying to him. I said I wanted to leave for a bit around the holidays and stay with my folks. Just to get way for a bit and he was still thinking yesterday that I wanted to leave him and just stay with my folks. It's just a tad frustrating because he here's what he wants to hear. After more talking we got on the same page but sometimes it's just not that easy to talk to him. But such is life.
Other than that things are going okay. The only downfall was that work yesterday sucked majorly. I pretty much had to open by myself since the person that usually helps out in the mornings called in sick the night before. So I had to make sure everything was on, holds were picked out and sorted and the doors were open up all before 7:45am. I managed to do all of that before one of the others came in to help out. But I thought things would be okay once we were open...I was sadly mistaken. Students coming in didn't know where they were going. Passing printing equipment thinking what they printed out was at our desk instead of were they were in the computer lab. We had to cover for another worker in another department so it strained are already limited crew of people. So for the majority of the day everyone was running around doing other peoples work and our own. It was good because it made the day go faster but frustrating because of all the work we had piled onto ourselves. Job security. *sighs*
So far today hasn't been too bad. Just have to open by myself again this morning but there hasn't been too much of a rush so I'm hoping things well be calmer today. I really hope so cause I've got another wicked headache coming on. *crosses fingers*
8/26/08
Better days
Well things are starting to look good again.
After having a rough couple of weeks I think things are starting to work themselves out. For the most part I know it was mostly my doing because I wouldn't speak what was on my mind. After finally doing so things have started to click more between us. Which is good considering the tenseness I was feeling for the past few weeks. I don't know why it's so hard for me to express my feelings to him about whatever situation is going on. I guess it just goes back to knowing that in the past no one really paid any attention to my feelings when I did try to express them that I just stopped. I've been trying my hardest to get them out there sometimes it works others it doesn't but I just got to tell myself to keep trying. I'm just happy that the air is finally clear between us again so I can enjoy his company again. I didn't realize how much I'd distanced myself from him because of his words and my outright denial of confronting them. Such is life, just got to keep dealing and working through everything as it comes.
On a little happier news, I'm almost done with a new shawl. I kind of picked it up because I was bored with all of the wip's I'd been working so of course I decided to pick up and knit something new. I've got 3 more repeats to do before I start on the edging. Should take me a few more hours to complete and with that pattern it helped me use up the last of this LB Homespun yarn that I didn't know what else to do with.
After having a rough couple of weeks I think things are starting to work themselves out. For the most part I know it was mostly my doing because I wouldn't speak what was on my mind. After finally doing so things have started to click more between us. Which is good considering the tenseness I was feeling for the past few weeks. I don't know why it's so hard for me to express my feelings to him about whatever situation is going on. I guess it just goes back to knowing that in the past no one really paid any attention to my feelings when I did try to express them that I just stopped. I've been trying my hardest to get them out there sometimes it works others it doesn't but I just got to tell myself to keep trying. I'm just happy that the air is finally clear between us again so I can enjoy his company again. I didn't realize how much I'd distanced myself from him because of his words and my outright denial of confronting them. Such is life, just got to keep dealing and working through everything as it comes.
On a little happier news, I'm almost done with a new shawl. I kind of picked it up because I was bored with all of the wip's I'd been working so of course I decided to pick up and knit something new. I've got 3 more repeats to do before I start on the edging. Should take me a few more hours to complete and with that pattern it helped me use up the last of this LB Homespun yarn that I didn't know what else to do with.
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