Endless Cycle

Starting to feel trapped again. I'm sort of stuck in a cycle that won't be ending anytime soon. So far it's only going to work and coming home to kind of be stuck in one room. It's usually okay for the weekends for catching up on things but during the week it's just starting to wear me down. I mostly say this because I know that at work for the most part I'll be stuck doing a big tedious project then coming home to do nothing major but sit in a room until I get tired enough to fall asleep then start the whole thing over again.

I don't think I'll be able to do anything right anymore. I'm sick of trying to express my feelings and only feeling like that things never really change when I do. I don't know how I can say what I need to say and say it in such a way that people will hear me.

I guess I'll try to take more time to sort stuff out again and see if I can find some sort of different outcome.

I guess I'd be able to take some things a little bit better but at work I'm still kind of burning the candle at both ends. I'm still working on a big project; where I hope today that I'll be able to finish the first part of it; only to start on a second one right away if all goes well. I just wish there was more help for me when I'm working on my project. I know that helping out at the desk is part of my job but if my other co-workers want me to finish this big job that none of them seem to want to do you'd think that they'd try to help me out by kind of letting it go that I can't really help out at the desk like I used to until it gets done. Again I'm just trying to suck it up and work through it until it's over with like everything that comes to work sometimes...sometimes you just have to get through it.

Friday

I don't know what it is but people this week are really starting to annoy me. It's like each day they try to prove their stupidity to me. Currently our machine to add money to their library cards is down so to compensate we're giving them free copies and printouts from the computers. You'd think after saying it once they'd get it but no...they continually ask you like three times in the course of one conversation that 'yes you can make copies for free, no we don't know when the machine will be working, yes...go make as many copies as you want!' I guess the whole 'free' thing catches them off guard. Here we are trying to give them a little bit of a break and its like they can't believe it instead of jumping at the chance we've basically got to force them to take the free stuff. I keep telling them to enjoy it while it lasts but some just still don't seem to get it. Ugh...Of course if we actually had photocopiers that took money instead of having the funds deducted from their cards that would be a great help. It just sucks because even when we move into the new building we'll still have the same copiers. Most of the staff and I are on the bandwagon that they'll still get there money just doesn't always have to be deducted from the card. *shakes head* Like most things that's WAY to simple of a concept to get out there. Other than that the other day I had a random run in with a patron. Nothing major happened just I guess the principle of it. I was flagged by a lady needing help with the copier. I'm like okay this will take just like a second and after I finish helping her I'll make a quick trip to the bathroom. Well after I made my way to her she's like 'hold on, let me find the page' and I'm literally standing there for like five plus minutes while this chick flips back and forth in this book trying to find what pages she needs. As I'm waiting I notice that it looks like her problem is that she's not lining up the book correctly to get the whole page of the book she's trying to copy but I'm thinking it has to be something more so I continue to wait. Along with flipping in the book she sometimes stops while she's flipping to ask me where in the book to look for whatever section she's trying to find and I'm like 'I have no clue cause I'm not looking at the book' but I refrained from saying that out loud. So eventually while I'm standing there and now really needing to use the bathroom she finally finds what she's looking for and then she goes over to the copier and I'm like 'it prints on this side of the glass' after she seemed to have lined to place the book properly on top of the copier. Then she's like 'oh I guess I didn't need your help after all.' Needless to say I quickly left and when to the bathroom all the while cursing her in my head for making me wait for absolutely NOTHING!! It would be one thing It's not often times I want to strangle a patron but that was one of those rare times.

Aside from library drama things seem to be going a little bit better for me. I'm knitting a little hardcore as of late. I've paused working on my socks to finish a commission piece for a co-worker of mine. He wanted a necktie and I told him I could knit him one. I'm halfway through knitting it. If I knit like a mad woman tonight and tomorrow I think I should have it finished before Monday. It's been nice to have a break from knitting socks. I just started to get a little lazy because I'm working on the cuff and it's going to be a lot of ribbing that I'm dreading for some reason. *shrugs* Other than that I broke down and bought some soft and snuggly Alpaca/Acrylic blend yarn. I can't wait to knit with it! After watching various knitting blogs and websites I'm trying to branch out there and try all different types of yarn. Because of one website I'm now very tempted to learn how to spin my own yarn. Hopefully it'll just be a test to get my feet wet and nothing more. heh heh Of course I say that but I'm sure I'll get hooked with spinning like everything else when it comes to anything involving knitting. :) I still need to post pics of what I've finished and working on. I've taken the pics just haven't made the time to post for some reason. *shrugs* I guess I'm still being lazy. heh heh

Squirrel free! (for the moment)

So finally after 2 weeks of having 2 squirrels loose in the library, we were able to chase them out!

Running around was the last thing I wanted to do this morning after the scare I had just an hour before. Driving on my way to work this other guy and I were almost hit by another car. The guy was totally running a red light just to cut in front of me and the guy next to me just to get into my lane. Needless to say I'm happy that my breaks were working. Screeching tires first thing in the morning sure has a way of waking you up.

When I finally managed to make it to work things were none the less weirder than usual with the people that came up to the desk. We had one guy trying to steal a book, one was angry because the hours during the break weren't correct when he called it but was still angry that he drove all the way over just to see that we were closed, (even though before the break we always makes sure to have our hours posted to show the patrons...not our fault he refused to read) and just general stupidity. Along with that the added frustration of filling in for people that aren't here. I would go into more but I'm still trying to calm down. Let's just say if ever I leave my job without the worry of having to come back I'm torching a few things on my way out.

All of that aside; I'm still struggling with myself in trying to be happy and not cry so much over things. It's just difficult with the current living situation and no freedom to be who I am without offending anyone. I know I can do what I want to do but just getting myself to believe it is a totally different story. I still just try to take days one day at a time. I just hope I can stop crying every other day.

Thursday

Well things continue to be the same as they have been the past few weeks here at work. *sighs* I've now come to the understanding that I'm really going to be the only one opening up in the mornings now. So far this week I've managed to do everything that needs to be done before the others eventually drag themselves here. It's frustrating yes but at least I know I'm doing a good job even when the people that are supposed to notice aren't there. *sighs* It just sucks. I kind of feel like I'm being taken advantage of even though I know this is my job. *shrugs* I guess I'm just worn out doing more than my share of the work most of the time. I just have to keep holding on and hopefully a full time position is in my future to make all of this worth while.