Showing posts with label blah. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blah. Show all posts
7/28/10
Nothing really changes
I think I'm starting to feel under the weather again. Though I think it's due to increased activity and it's hot as hell outside. I'm sure the muggy air isn't helping me. I've been noticing lately that I've been that I've been more tired recently and sleeping a lot more but still don't feel as refreshed as I think I should feel. The weekend is coming up so I can try and catch up on more sleep and see if that helps. Recently I'm thinking about going outside to work on the backyard myself as a way to exercise and tire myself out so that I'll be have to fall asleep faster as well as hopefully rest better. Yesterday it was nice to just get away from computers and tv and just do nothing and not think about anything. I've needed to just relax and de-stress after work. This week it hasn't happened so much without some sort of argument when just trying to be into myself and de-stress. It seems like whenever I just want to be alone and away from people it cause an issue. So much so that people have to call me out on it instead of just letting me be. I've told some people before that if I wanted to engage them I would. When I don't it means that I'm not in the mood to do so. But then again it just may be to obvious for some. I wish that some people would learn to keep up with body language. If that were the only issue in my life I think I could better handle it sometimes more than others. Work for the most part is okay. The usual suspects keep stressing me for various reasons but most of the time I manage to hold it all in and not speak my mind too much. But everyday people will do there best to try and keep you down and make you feel less that what you are. It's funny every once in a while but day in and day out can get a little taxing to ones' spirit. I try and not let it bother me but some days are better than others. I guess I'm still wishing I was better equipped to handle the little things that irritate me. I try to just let them roll off of my back but sometimes stuff just sticks with you and it can get hard to stop their voices fro wearing you down. It's bad enough that I have my own voices to deal with but the added pressure of outside influences make it hard to do sometimes. Aside from that I do try to do things that try to lift my spirits and make me feel good about myself. It just seems like sometimes with me trying to do those things cause more trouble. It also leads me not to want to try and do those things that do make me happy. So it feels like sometimes nothing works out the way that I want it to in the long run. I keep trying to make things work and be somewhat balanced in my life. I just hope one day to actually achieve it.
3/27/09
Life
Again, I’m not dead just completely out of it. It seems to be harder and harder to think of things I want to talk about on here. I guess the writer in me is still taking a very long break. I don’t really have many things in the way of updates.
I’m just in between knitting projects right now. I’m still working on a pair of black socks for myself and I’ve knit a few rows of another shrug for myself but both are very slow going. I guess if there was something good on tv that I could knit to both projects would have been done by now. ^^; I’ve also started working on an afghan for my mom. She had hinted to me over the phone about a blanket and when K and I went over to pick up my mail/X-mas presents, low and behold a knitters’ dream….YARN! It was a cool gift (along with a smaller knitting bag that’s uber functional!) but sadly they yarn that she purchased for me is stuff I’d stopped using since I got better at knitting. So of course I couldn’t be like 'I don’t use it' so I’m sacrificing my hands and knitting her up a patchwork afghan with the yarn she got me. I love the colors that she picked out just wish the yarn wasn’t so rough to work with but I think I can make it work into something really nice.
Aside from that I was commissioned by one of my co-workers for future X-mas gifts. So I’m excited to get started on the items that she wanted. It’s also a plus cause I get to go yarn shopping again! X3
I’m still working on two of the book challenges I sighed up for. One challenge is to read 50+ books before the end of the year and another is to read 100+ books. I think last time I checked I was at 34 books I think. So I’ve already beat my last year total of books by like 4 and I’m well on my way to at least getting to 50 books by the end of the year! I guess after all this time for me the little things still make me happy; reading a good book, working on some craft project, or just kicking back and listening to some good music. I’m still in love with the external hard drive K got me for my birthday. It’s so nice to have all of my music cds all in one place. I don’t have to hunt for them anymore. I’ve still got a bunch of cds to transfer to my hard drive but the ones I’ve done already keep me grooving for hours!
12/9/08
Tuesday
Ugh...
So I can't wait till the weekend but even though I say that I'm pretty sure I won't be doing anything productive. I guess the X-mas blues are starting to come early for me. I just don't know what to do with myself. I've been knitting more since I let writing go and I've finished two small projects already. My tea cozy and another scarf. I guess I'm just trying to get rid of my yarn so I can work on other projects. Hopefully sometime this month I'll be able to work on some of my old projects to get them out of the way and finish emptying out my yarn stash. Working on new and somewhat difficult patterns seems to be alleviating some of the boredom but I'm still having my moments. I'm currently working on a lace headband and so far its working out. I still try to write every now and then but I can't seem to focus on what I need to focus on. I know I need to work on settings but I'm still having trouble getting what I see in my mind down on paper. I just need to keep at it like every other hobby I've got. At times I just wish things were how they were a few years ago. I just seemed to be less troubled and more comfortable in my own skin. Now I feel as if I can't ever do anything right and I'm constantly worrying about stuff I can't change or fix. I'm still feeling trapped even though I'm not. I keep trying to do anything to take away from feeling like that but it seems like I can never get away from that feeling. I'm trying to take one day at a time but some days are harder than others. I'm sick of crying all of the time but I just can't seem to get my emotions out any other way. Talking about it only seems to lessen the situation for about an hour or so but whatever I say doesn't seem to stick around long enough so that changes can be made. I still feel frustrated and out of place no matter what I say or do. I always seem to keep going in circles.
So I can't wait till the weekend but even though I say that I'm pretty sure I won't be doing anything productive. I guess the X-mas blues are starting to come early for me. I just don't know what to do with myself. I've been knitting more since I let writing go and I've finished two small projects already. My tea cozy and another scarf. I guess I'm just trying to get rid of my yarn so I can work on other projects. Hopefully sometime this month I'll be able to work on some of my old projects to get them out of the way and finish emptying out my yarn stash. Working on new and somewhat difficult patterns seems to be alleviating some of the boredom but I'm still having my moments. I'm currently working on a lace headband and so far its working out. I still try to write every now and then but I can't seem to focus on what I need to focus on. I know I need to work on settings but I'm still having trouble getting what I see in my mind down on paper. I just need to keep at it like every other hobby I've got. At times I just wish things were how they were a few years ago. I just seemed to be less troubled and more comfortable in my own skin. Now I feel as if I can't ever do anything right and I'm constantly worrying about stuff I can't change or fix. I'm still feeling trapped even though I'm not. I keep trying to do anything to take away from feeling like that but it seems like I can never get away from that feeling. I'm trying to take one day at a time but some days are harder than others. I'm sick of crying all of the time but I just can't seem to get my emotions out any other way. Talking about it only seems to lessen the situation for about an hour or so but whatever I say doesn't seem to stick around long enough so that changes can be made. I still feel frustrated and out of place no matter what I say or do. I always seem to keep going in circles.
11/5/08
Hump day
So making a little progress with my novel. Still have a bunch of editing to do but I hope to break 10,000 words tonight or get damn near close to it! heh heh So far I'm liking the way this version of my story is turning out. Just have to keep trying to connect scenes so they make sense. Sometimes the creative process really urks me. *sighs*
In other news...yay for the new pres!
In other other news most of my books and knitting have been placed on hold for the novel but I try to sneak in some of each when I can.
Ugh...back to writing!
In other news...yay for the new pres!
In other other news most of my books and knitting have been placed on hold for the novel but I try to sneak in some of each when I can.
Ugh...back to writing!
8/18/08
Blah
I'm in kind of a blah mood for some reason.
I really don't know why. Things for the most part are going all right.
I managed to finish one book and read another this weekend while continuing to work on my first lace project. So far still going smoothly since I've been careful to make sure I catch all of the stitches. Though I should have planned ahead more for my first lace project. Using a boucle yarn to start out wasn't the best move but in the long run if I can master doing lace with that I can use any yarn! X3 It's still looking like the picture so I'm happy.
Other than that I've been trying to pick up past projects ie. my 2 socks at a time and the first front panel for the cardigan I was working on months ago. It's hard to try and stay focused on kitting either of those because for the most part of both projects I'm working in just stockinette stitch so it's kind of boring at the moment. I kind of want to knit something else (that's why I'm trying my hand at lace) but I don't know what I really want to knit at the moment. I still have plastic bins full of yarns that I haven't even touched. Though some of the one's I'd like to work with are still in the hanks and from my first two tries at unwinding hanks I've learn my lesson on tackling them alone. Maybe I can convince K to help me at least get the smaller ones worked into usable balls. I'd have to ask really nicely. ^^; But even if they were in usable balls I'm still not sure I'd have the motivation to actually knit with them. I'm in kind of a pattern slump. I know I want to knit something just don't know what I want to do. I guess I should just focus on finishing my lace scarf then just see what happens. Maybe by then I'll be back into my other projects.
The only thing I'm dreading now is that cardigan. I'm at the point now where I don't know if I should re rip it it out again (would be the second time) to restart it. I'm only thinking this way because since I made the back panel I taught myself how to knit in the English method and now it's kind of obvious between when I started and where I picked it up again. The stitches look nice and even now and before hand they don't. ^^; Maybe I'll again put it aside and then decided what I want to do about it. I'm just debating now since it's not too far along so I wouldn't have much to rip out. To rip or not...that is the question! *sighs*
Aside from the knitting stuff I'm not sure how I feel about the new house hunting that's going on. K's been on house hunt for a little while now much to my surprise about a month ago. I guess I've still got mixed feelings about it because it was kind of out of the blue for me and I thought we'd have more time to look for one maybe in like a year or something but I guess it's not to be. I don't know how I'll get over the resentment of the whole situation. I think that's the way to sum up my feelings of it. I know he's trying to involve me in the choice of where we live but since he's going about it himself I feel a little put out with trying to help him find one. I don't know how to get over it. I know it's for our future but seems like it's rushing by so fast that I'm not really enjoying it. I'm trying to take everything day by day but still I'm not excited about anything really. We went out yesterday to look at a house and he was upset that I didn't show any feelings one way or the other about it. In my head I'm like how could I be when he's picking and choosing. I guess I feel that if it was his idea to go get a house then what I want really doesn't matter because of our previous conversations. He knew I wasn't really behind him and I guess it's hard for me to be happy about looking for something that I really don't have anything to do with. I can live anywhere and after all is said and done it would be his decision anyway. I guess I just have to wait till it all blows over and try to keep my resentment to myself and hope he doesn't try to dig too deep in trying to figure out what's wrong with me.
I just hope all passes soon.
I really don't know why. Things for the most part are going all right.
I managed to finish one book and read another this weekend while continuing to work on my first lace project. So far still going smoothly since I've been careful to make sure I catch all of the stitches. Though I should have planned ahead more for my first lace project. Using a boucle yarn to start out wasn't the best move but in the long run if I can master doing lace with that I can use any yarn! X3 It's still looking like the picture so I'm happy.
Other than that I've been trying to pick up past projects ie. my 2 socks at a time and the first front panel for the cardigan I was working on months ago. It's hard to try and stay focused on kitting either of those because for the most part of both projects I'm working in just stockinette stitch so it's kind of boring at the moment. I kind of want to knit something else (that's why I'm trying my hand at lace) but I don't know what I really want to knit at the moment. I still have plastic bins full of yarns that I haven't even touched. Though some of the one's I'd like to work with are still in the hanks and from my first two tries at unwinding hanks I've learn my lesson on tackling them alone. Maybe I can convince K to help me at least get the smaller ones worked into usable balls. I'd have to ask really nicely. ^^; But even if they were in usable balls I'm still not sure I'd have the motivation to actually knit with them. I'm in kind of a pattern slump. I know I want to knit something just don't know what I want to do. I guess I should just focus on finishing my lace scarf then just see what happens. Maybe by then I'll be back into my other projects.
The only thing I'm dreading now is that cardigan. I'm at the point now where I don't know if I should re rip it it out again (would be the second time) to restart it. I'm only thinking this way because since I made the back panel I taught myself how to knit in the English method and now it's kind of obvious between when I started and where I picked it up again. The stitches look nice and even now and before hand they don't. ^^; Maybe I'll again put it aside and then decided what I want to do about it. I'm just debating now since it's not too far along so I wouldn't have much to rip out. To rip or not...that is the question! *sighs*
Aside from the knitting stuff I'm not sure how I feel about the new house hunting that's going on. K's been on house hunt for a little while now much to my surprise about a month ago. I guess I've still got mixed feelings about it because it was kind of out of the blue for me and I thought we'd have more time to look for one maybe in like a year or something but I guess it's not to be. I don't know how I'll get over the resentment of the whole situation. I think that's the way to sum up my feelings of it. I know he's trying to involve me in the choice of where we live but since he's going about it himself I feel a little put out with trying to help him find one. I don't know how to get over it. I know it's for our future but seems like it's rushing by so fast that I'm not really enjoying it. I'm trying to take everything day by day but still I'm not excited about anything really. We went out yesterday to look at a house and he was upset that I didn't show any feelings one way or the other about it. In my head I'm like how could I be when he's picking and choosing. I guess I feel that if it was his idea to go get a house then what I want really doesn't matter because of our previous conversations. He knew I wasn't really behind him and I guess it's hard for me to be happy about looking for something that I really don't have anything to do with. I can live anywhere and after all is said and done it would be his decision anyway. I guess I just have to wait till it all blows over and try to keep my resentment to myself and hope he doesn't try to dig too deep in trying to figure out what's wrong with me.
I just hope all passes soon.
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