Doing a little bit better today. I was able to get motivated to clean up around the house and just start to feel better about myself. I still feel unsettled with the way things are but I still just try to keep going on one day at a time. I don't know why but for the past few weeks I just kept feeling sorry for myself. At times it really does suck having low self esteem but it's something that I constantly have to struggle with. I guess it didn't really help when K and I went to visit my parents to pick up more of my mail. It just wasn't cool of my mom to kind of play us against each other the way she did. Granted it wasn't major just didn't want to haul anymore food over from her place but she just wouldn't let me. I guess things still have to be her way or not at all. I know she's just trying to look out for us but I would think that my opinion would count for something. Her going behind my back like that just makes me feel like I'm less of an adult. Who knows one day my opinion will matter to someone. Ah well, just got to keep trying to stick up for myself.
I finally had a good weekend. I made up with one of my friend Katie who I haven’t talked to or hung out with since the moving business began. It was fun to have a knitting day again. We just pretty much camped out on the couch and watched old episodes of Family Guy and she started me on Arrested Development. Now I’ve got another show to keep up with. J We also took a break from knitting and went out to eat at China Buffet it was very nice for my first time going there. Then again it was just nice to get out of the house. We also took a little side trip and stopped by her new place too.
Sunday was a productive day for me as well. I managed to finish the afghan I started the day before as well as finish another two books. I’m just a few more away from meeting my 50 book goal and then I’ll be halfway towards my 100 goal!
Again, I’m not dead just completely out of it. It seems to be harder and harder to think of things I want to talk about on here. I guess the writer in me is still taking a very long break. I don’t really have many things in the way of updates.
I’m just in between knitting projects right now. I’m still working on a pair of black socks for myself and I’ve knit a few rows of another shrug for myself but both are very slow going. I guess if there was something good on tv that I could knit to both projects would have been done by now. ^^; I’ve also started working on an afghan for my mom. She had hinted to me over the phone about a blanket and when K and I went over to pick up my mail/X-mas presents, low and behold a knitters’ dream….YARN! It was a cool gift (along with a smaller knitting bag that’s uber functional!) but sadly they yarn that she purchased for me is stuff I’d stopped using since I got better at knitting. So of course I couldn’t be like 'I don’t use it' so I’m sacrificing my hands and knitting her up a patchwork afghan with the yarn she got me. I love the colors that she picked out just wish the yarn wasn’t so rough to work with but I think I can make it work into something really nice.
Aside from that I was commissioned by one of my co-workers for future X-mas gifts. So I’m excited to get started on the items that she wanted. It’s also a plus cause I get to go yarn shopping again! X3
I’m still working on two of the book challenges I sighed up for. One challenge is to read 50+ books before the end of the year and another is to read 100+ books. I think last time I checked I was at 34 books I think. So I’ve already beat my last year total of books by like 4 and I’m well on my way to at least getting to 50 books by the end of the year! I guess after all this time for me the little things still make me happy; reading a good book, working on some craft project, or just kicking back and listening to some good music. I’m still in love with the external hard drive K got me for my birthday. It’s so nice to have all of my music cds all in one place. I don’t have to hunt for them anymore. I’ve still got a bunch of cds to transfer to my hard drive but the ones I’ve done already keep me grooving for hours!
I don't know what it is but people this week are really starting to annoy me. It's like each day they try to prove their stupidity to me. Currently our machine to add money to their library cards is down so to compensate we're giving them free copies and printouts from the computers. You'd think after saying it once they'd get it but no...they continually ask you like three times in the course of one conversation that 'yes you can make copies for free, no we don't know when the machine will be working, yes...go make as many copies as you want!' I guess the whole 'free' thing catches them off guard. Here we are trying to give them a little bit of a break and its like they can't believe it instead of jumping at the chance we've basically got to force them to take the free stuff. I keep telling them to enjoy it while it lasts but some just still don't seem to get it. Ugh...Of course if we actually had photocopiers that took money instead of having the funds deducted from their cards that would be a great help. It just sucks because even when we move into the new building we'll still have the same copiers. Most of the staff and I are on the bandwagon that they'll still get there money just doesn't always have to be deducted from the card. *shakes head* Like most things that's WAY to simple of a concept to get out there. Other than that the other day I had a random run in with a patron. Nothing major happened just I guess the principle of it. I was flagged by a lady needing help with the copier. I'm like okay this will take just like a second and after I finish helping her I'll make a quick trip to the bathroom. Well after I made my way to her she's like 'hold on, let me find the page' and I'm literally standing there for like five plus minutes while this chick flips back and forth in this book trying to find what pages she needs. As I'm waiting I notice that it looks like her problem is that she's not lining up the book correctly to get the whole page of the book she's trying to copy but I'm thinking it has to be something more so I continue to wait. Along with flipping in the book she sometimes stops while she's flipping to ask me where in the book to look for whatever section she's trying to find and I'm like 'I have no clue cause I'm not looking at the book' but I refrained from saying that out loud. So eventually while I'm standing there and now really needing to use the bathroom she finally finds what she's looking for and then she goes over to the copier and I'm like 'it prints on this side of the glass' after she seemed to have lined to place the book properly on top of the copier. Then she's like 'oh I guess I didn't need your help after all.' Needless to say I quickly left and when to the bathroom all the while cursing her in my head for making me wait for absolutely NOTHING!! It would be one thing It's not often times I want to strangle a patron but that was one of those rare times.
Aside from library drama things seem to be going a little bit better for me. I'm knitting a little hardcore as of late. I've paused working on my socks to finish a commission piece for a co-worker of mine. He wanted a necktie and I told him I could knit him one. I'm halfway through knitting it. If I knit like a mad woman tonight and tomorrow I think I should have it finished before Monday. It's been nice to have a break from knitting socks. I just started to get a little lazy because I'm working on the cuff and it's going to be a lot of ribbing that I'm dreading for some reason. *shrugs* Other than that I broke down and bought some soft and snuggly Alpaca/Acrylic blend yarn. I can't wait to knit with it! After watching various knitting blogs and websites I'm trying to branch out there and try all different types of yarn. Because of one website I'm now very tempted to learn how to spin my own yarn. Hopefully it'll just be a test to get my feet wet and nothing more. heh heh Of course I say that but I'm sure I'll get hooked with spinning like everything else when it comes to anything involving knitting. :) I still need to post pics of what I've finished and working on. I've taken the pics just haven't made the time to post for some reason. *shrugs* I guess I'm still being lazy. heh heh
Well still battling with some mild depression. It still comes and goes. I just wish it would go so I can get my life back on track. I'm sick of crying all of the time and feeling lonely. I know that most of what I'm feeling is just internal drama that I've either already dealt with and just can't seem to let go or stuff I still have yet to voice. I was talking to an old friend who kind of stirred up some things that I thought I was over. Ended up crying because I missed what I used to do and the friendship we had. The whole conversation just brought up things I was trying to get over. I guess it's good because I'm trying to process it but bad because it just adds to my current sadness. I wish I could be happier about the current situation that I'm in but I just can't seem to get past it to be happy just to be happy. Bah. Aside from that I'm still debating some stuff as to whether or not to tell something or not. I guess I'm still frightened by the reaction to say what I've been holding onto. I already feel like they think less of me already I guess part of me doesn't want to add to it. *sighs* Maybe I'll go home and just write it down to get it out of my head. Maybe then after I've written it down I'll debate about sending it or not. *shurgs*
