Dream

I had a really weird dream again last night. It's been a while since I've had a strange one like this. I guess I'm still upset about the events of the day before. I dreamed I was in the middle of watching a wrestling match and just before the match was about to end he grabs me around the neck and starts biting and licking at my neck as I'm trying to watch what's going on in the ring. I'm pushing and struggling against him as I'm trying to turn my head to see what's going on in the ring but I can't and I know I'm missing the best part of the match because I can hear the crowd around the right erupt with cheering for what's going on. I can't see what they're seeing because he's covering my face and somehow things are starting to look darker so I can't see what's going on in the ring anymore. Next thing I know I've managed to get an arm up in between our bodies and I kind of elbow him in the face a couple of times to get him off of me. As I rear back and punch him again I wake up very confused like I did hit him in my sleep. I'm trying to let this go but I guess it still bugs me...

*sigh*

I thought things were going great. They were for the most part for the most of the day until he said what he said. I could feel myself slowly dieing as the words were coming out of his mouth. I've been doing my best to make sure things are always pleasant around him but I guess I slacked off. I'm still shocked that he would think saying those things to me wouldn't upset me. I've told him time and time again that some of the things that he says to me hurts. I don't know how many more times I can say it to him so that he'll get the message that they way he comes across some times really hurts me. Granted I shouldn't be so sensitive but I am a girl and I've never really had that much self esteem. I've been trying to work on it but it sickens me that one word will shatter it. I hope over time things won't be like this between us. I'm just sick that things could be so good and then go so horribly wrong in the next split second. I still really don't know how to communicate with him with the fact that the way he says things really does hurt me. I wish he would just take the time and think about what he says before he says it. He doesn't seem to have the censor that tells him what's about to come out of his mouth could cause chaos. I really wish he would develop that soon. I'm sick of going to bed with tears in my eyes and with having a knot in my stomach. I hate feeling depressed with no light coming towards me as to having any signs of hope that maybe I didn't hear what I think I heard him say. It just sucks that I feel this way and I just wish that things like this would stop happening.

Semi-new start

Hi all!

This is like my second try at trying to maintain this blog. I think I'll just keep this one for my knitting progress and see how it goes.

I'm currently working on a shrug, socks, purse, scarf and a cardigan. All are at various states of wip-ness. I'll have updates on each hopefully in the next post.