Break Time

So it's the end of another semester and I'm kind of glad it over. Just because of all of the drama that's taken place at work which usually got me down, it's nice to get away from it from a little while. I'm still amazed that I was able to get the full time position they posted recently. I guess it just was my time. :) All in all it's one of the best Christmas presents I could have gotten because I've been wanting it for so long and after a few years I finally got it. I'm just happy that I didn't have to be fake to get it, I was myself and for once it actually paid off. *happy dance*

Since it's the break I've already come up with a big list of stuff to get me through the boredom of kind of being confined to the house. (Trying to save gas and money in general.) I hope to get all of the grunt stuff out of the way (cooking, cleaning) so I can work on the fun but at times not so fun work of writing and knitting. Another goal of mine is to win NaNoWriMo again and actually have something worth trying to publish within the next few years. (keeps fingers crossed) I just hope to stay focused to get some things accomplished for once.


Nothing really changes

I think I'm starting to feel under the weather again. Though I think it's due to increased activity and it's hot as hell outside. I'm sure the muggy air isn't helping me. I've been noticing lately that I've been that I've been more tired recently and sleeping a lot more but still don't feel as refreshed as I think I should feel. The weekend is coming up so I can try and catch up on more sleep and see if that helps. Recently I'm thinking about going outside to work on the backyard myself as a way to exercise and tire myself out so that I'll be have to fall asleep faster as well as hopefully rest better. Yesterday it was nice to just get away from computers and tv and just do nothing and not think about anything. I've needed to just relax and de-stress after work. This week it hasn't happened so much without some sort of argument when just trying to be into myself and de-stress. It seems like whenever I just want to be alone and away from people it cause an issue. So much so that people have to call me out on it instead of just letting me be. I've told some people before that if I wanted to engage them I would. When I don't it means that I'm not in the mood to do so. But then again it just may be to obvious for some. I wish that some people would learn to keep up with body language. If that were the only issue in my life I think I could better handle it sometimes more than others. Work for the most part is okay. The usual suspects keep stressing me for various reasons but most of the time I manage to hold it all in and not speak my mind too much. But everyday people will do there best to try and keep you down and make you feel less that what you are. It's funny every once in a while but day in and day out can get a little taxing to ones' spirit. I try and not let it bother me but some days are better than others. I guess I'm still wishing I was better equipped to handle the little things that irritate me. I try to just let them roll off of my back but sometimes stuff just sticks with you and it can get hard to stop their voices fro wearing you down. It's bad enough that I have my own voices to deal with but the added pressure of outside influences make it hard to do sometimes. Aside from that I do try to do things that try to lift my spirits and make me feel good about myself. It just seems like sometimes with me trying to do those things cause more trouble. It also leads me not to want to try and do those things that do make me happy. So it feels like sometimes nothing works out the way that I want it to in the long run. I keep trying to make things work and be somewhat balanced in my life. I just hope one day to actually achieve it.


Thrusday's Friday!

To get the crappy stuff out of the way: I'm really disliking dishonest people. I know that things can be taken in and out of context but sometimes people have a way of pushing things to far. All I can do is suck it up and move on. I'm not going to let these people get to me. Just have to wait it out and the day will be over soon! Whew! Now that I've said my piece about negative stuff now to the fun and tiring stuff!

I've got a big list of stuff for me to work on this extended weekend and I hope to actually get through most of it. Some stuff is easier than others but I just got to tune myself up for it and try to stay motivated. I'm hoping I've got enough energy to start on some of the little stuff when I get home so that when my weekend starts (Friday) I'll be looking at a more managable list. *nods head* Hopefully I'll be able to stick to the plan!


Same old same old...

I try to do what I think is right and it still blows up in my face sometimes. I think I'm making an effort and at times it never seems to be good enough. I can only try my best at things and make the best of whatever situation. That being said I'm trying to focus more on my hobbies instead of dwelling on things I can't change. So here are some updates!

I'm at the halfway point of working the cuffs for my mom's second pair of toe up socks.

Even though the knitting for her socks is relatively easy it's just hard doing all of that ribbing sometimes. So instead of plugging through to get it done with I of course start another knitting project to kind of avoid the situation. I recently bought the Abundance Afghan kit from Knit Picks and I'm in love with Suri Dream and the simplicity of the pattern! This project that I pick up when I've had enough of ribbing is affectionally nicknamed 'the muppet' because of the fur-like quality of the yarn.

I've also want to get back into knitting lace so I've picked up another pattern for some fingerless gloves with an easy lace pattern. I'm just having trouble reading the lace chart. I understand the repeats for the pattern just I seem to be having trouble wrapping my head around the edge stitches before and after the pattern repeat. I just have to ask more of my knitting buddies to explain that to me. I'm okay with knitting lace flat but seem to have gone back to square one with doing lace in the round. :-s But after I finish my mom's socks I'll take a break from sock knitting to work on my lace full time. :) Well at least that's the plan anyway. ^_^;


Time to Reflect

After talking and calming down a bit; I feel the cycle starting to crack a little. I still don't know if things are going to be different in the long run but I'm trying to take things one day at a time. All I can do is try to push through the pain so to speak and keep going.

I've finally been able to get back into watching anime. It took me a while to find some series that I could get into. While I'm waiting for some series to update I've been reading the Gossip Girl series and getting back into my sock knitting after taking a break from bigger projects.

If all goes well I'll actually be able to keep these socks for myself. Just need to figure out where to put some increases so I'll be able to knit these into a knee sock length.


Endless Cycle

Starting to feel trapped again. I'm sort of stuck in a cycle that won't be ending anytime soon. So far it's only going to work and coming home to kind of be stuck in one room. It's usually okay for the weekends for catching up on things but during the week it's just starting to wear me down. I mostly say this because I know that at work for the most part I'll be stuck doing a big tedious project then coming home to do nothing major but sit in a room until I get tired enough to fall asleep then start the whole thing over again.

I don't think I'll be able to do anything right anymore. I'm sick of trying to express my feelings and only feeling like that things never really change when I do. I don't know how I can say what I need to say and say it in such a way that people will hear me.

I guess I'll try to take more time to sort stuff out again and see if I can find some sort of different outcome.

I guess I'd be able to take some things a little bit better but at work I'm still kind of burning the candle at both ends. I'm still working on a big project; where I hope today that I'll be able to finish the first part of it; only to start on a second one right away if all goes well. I just wish there was more help for me when I'm working on my project. I know that helping out at the desk is part of my job but if my other co-workers want me to finish this big job that none of them seem to want to do you'd think that they'd try to help me out by kind of letting it go that I can't really help out at the desk like I used to until it gets done. Again I'm just trying to suck it up and work through it until it's over with like everything that comes to work sometimes...sometimes you just have to get through it.