Nothing really changes

I think I'm starting to feel under the weather again. Though I think it's due to increased activity and it's hot as hell outside. I'm sure the muggy air isn't helping me. I've been noticing lately that I've been that I've been more tired recently and sleeping a lot more but still don't feel as refreshed as I think I should feel. The weekend is coming up so I can try and catch up on more sleep and see if that helps. Recently I'm thinking about going outside to work on the backyard myself as a way to exercise and tire myself out so that I'll be have to fall asleep faster as well as hopefully rest better. Yesterday it was nice to just get away from computers and tv and just do nothing and not think about anything. I've needed to just relax and de-stress after work. This week it hasn't happened so much without some sort of argument when just trying to be into myself and de-stress. It seems like whenever I just want to be alone and away from people it cause an issue. So much so that people have to call me out on it instead of just letting me be. I've told some people before that if I wanted to engage them I would. When I don't it means that I'm not in the mood to do so. But then again it just may be to obvious for some. I wish that some people would learn to keep up with body language. If that were the only issue in my life I think I could better handle it sometimes more than others. Work for the most part is okay. The usual suspects keep stressing me for various reasons but most of the time I manage to hold it all in and not speak my mind too much. But everyday people will do there best to try and keep you down and make you feel less that what you are. It's funny every once in a while but day in and day out can get a little taxing to ones' spirit. I try and not let it bother me but some days are better than others. I guess I'm still wishing I was better equipped to handle the little things that irritate me. I try to just let them roll off of my back but sometimes stuff just sticks with you and it can get hard to stop their voices fro wearing you down. It's bad enough that I have my own voices to deal with but the added pressure of outside influences make it hard to do sometimes. Aside from that I do try to do things that try to lift my spirits and make me feel good about myself. It just seems like sometimes with me trying to do those things cause more trouble. It also leads me not to want to try and do those things that do make me happy. So it feels like sometimes nothing works out the way that I want it to in the long run. I keep trying to make things work and be somewhat balanced in my life. I just hope one day to actually achieve it.

No comments: